THE RECONSIDERATION

 

  It was late in the evening when I decided to take a walk, I told my neighbor. I wasn’t going far. I walked for more than two hours while I occasionally took a rest, I have thought about this severally, a part of me wanted to do it and the other part of me didn’t. I have given so much effort into becoming who I have always dreamed of but the results just aren’t encouraging. I looked around and it was a little bit dark and the whole street either had images of “Ganda D” or her music being played. All I needed was just to wait a few more minutes and I’ll go on with my plan. I opened my already dusty bag that was full of alcohols, I dragged it on the ground on my way there and didn’t bother about the passers by reaction to my I don’t care attitude.

  I sat on the bridge waiting for the appropriate time while I sipped my beer, I’ve tried so many times to fill this emptiness inside me but all to no avail, I even tried sharing it with people but some ignored me and didn’t take me serious, while some just treated me harshly and now I resolved to committing suicide by jumping off the third mainland bridge, it’s not as if anyone would care cause everyone is busy going about their business and whether dead or alive life goes on.

  I have always wanted to be an independent woman and I thought I would have had my life sorted out before 30 but here I am 35years old and I don’t even have anything worth showing. I thought sipping my 10^th bottle of beer. Anyways all these would be ended tonight I climbed the edge of the bridge took a deep breadth when I heard a laughter I stopped immediately and jumped down, “go on” the person said “I’m not stopping you” the person continued “look if you want to do it do it quick, I’ve been trying to do the same thing all along but don’t bother I’ll make sure I do it tonight”

  I looked at the person coming towards me but I saw she was drunk, at first I didn’t want to pay attention to her but discovered I was a little bit drunk myself since I would be dying soon I should as well catch some fun or have someone to talk to, “hey you, nice to meet you, my name is Bolu” I said stretching my hands for an hand shake “Oh Bolu  nice to meet you” she said returning my gesture I was expecting her to tell me her name but she walked past me in her drunken state she didn’t look ahead and hit her leg against my bag of alcohols so she tripped. “ouch” she yelled, as quickly as I could I went to her to help her up, “sorry” I said.

  “What have you gotten in there suicide partner?” she asked me “they are just beers” I replied “oh! bears like polar bears?”, “no! beers as in…. drink ‘ookay’ she replied, ‘can I have some?’ ,”off course you can” we both sat on the floor and had two bottle of beers each we looked at each other in our drunk state, smiled “why did you want to commit suicide?” we uttered at the same time ‘me?’ she reaffirmed  ‘yes you’ I replied while trying to see her face properly but I couldn’t because of her hood and also the reflection coming from the street light wouldn’t let me see her properly. ‘I want to because I don’t just see anything worth it in life, it’s tiring, demanding, suffocating and sad at the same time, so you see it’s just too much to bear.’ “What about you?’

  “You know the celeb Ganda D”, ‘hmm’ she replied “ that’s the kind of woman I want to be, you see I love music and I have done everything in my power to be a musician, but each time I go for an audition they tell me I can’t sing and I need to work on my size’, “but there’s nothing wrong with your size she muttered”, ‘exactly thank you I replied. I grew up in the orphanage home and I have no relative, while growing up I thought I would have my life sorted out by 30 but here I am 35 years but haven’t achieved anything I’m not even married, and people call me grand ma behind my back it’s not as if I’m not trying.’ “Ganda has a perfect life, and she is not even 30 yet, I want to be just like her both in stature, lifestyle and everything sha”.

  Is that why you want to be like Ganda? She asked ‘hmm’ I replied she laughed, “look what if Ganda had a rough childhood? what if she was sexually abused? what if that perfect life is just on social media and tv but not in reality? what if she wished she was like you? what if she wished she could die? And what if she was sick and had a mental issue? She asked. “You know partner, all these are just what if’s” but they aren’t real, she is just perfect.” I replied, ‘let me ask you this question’, “okay go ahead” I replied, ‘let’s take away the fame, money or beauty, aside all that do you know Ganda?’, “no I don’t” ‘then why do you want to kill yourself over somebody you don’t know when you can be yourself? If you die today Ganda doesn’t even know you, you would only be dying a meaningless death.

  ‘see partner’, she continued “ I have tasted money and fame like mad and I have realized that it can only take care of a lot of things but it isn’t everything, it isn’t happiness , when it becomes too much you get tired of it and you only get bunch of things you don’t need, the basic need of life is food, clothing and shelter including God, he’s often neglected but you need him more’. So go back and be useful not for yourself only but to others too.” We both kept quiet for a while “You know you sound like Ganda to me”, ha! She said making a funny gesture and we laughed we took another bottle of beer and drank. We both belched loudly and laughed again. “to start your own music studio how much do you need?’ ‘me ?’ I asked “hmm” she answered “if I see like 30million sha I go do am” ‘really?’ “Yes, I said”, “call me your account number” okay I called it and she sent the money gradually till it made a total of 30million. We both had fun while she sent the money and drank more beer, we sang and danced it rained heavily and we played shouted and sang in it.

  Partner if I was Ganda, what would you like to do when we see? “I would give her a tight and long hug” I replied, “would you do it now?” ‘yes off course”, she went back a little while I ran towards her and gave her a hug, this was what we did till we both got tired and fell on the ground, then she whispered “ let’s go home partner” okay I said we hugged, laughed and slapped each other playfully, we repeated it three times before I finally left, “bye see you later was what she said, I hope you become a celeb and don’t bother about your stature you look more beautiful than Ganda herself, bye partner was my reply as we staggered and went the opposite direction in the middle of the night.

  ‘Neighbor! Neighbor!’ I woke up to someone shaking me I couldn’t open my eyes because of the sunlight, ‘why you con do like this? you con sleep for main road I con dey find you “oh! It’s you I said finally able to peek through my eyes iya luku” ‘eh’ she replied while I belched loudly and held my head because of the headache, I was helped up by two other neighbors I didn’t even know people cared about me, but I was too weak to have the time to think, we all boarded a cab and went.

  On our way, I started recalling what happened the day before and I tried to picture the face of somebody and the voice... Our cab came to a halt because the road had been barricaded an accident must have happened I thought, the driver got down including my neighbors I wasn’t left out too, we got closer and I saw a dead body, immediately, I remembered what transpired last night, the body was that of the lady I spoke with, I was able to see her face clearly now and it is that of my favorite celeb Ganda D, I had spoken to my role model yesterday without me knowing, then the pieces came together, the reason for her committing suicide might not be known to others but it is clear to me, the ”what if” questions she asked me were true. But the question is; was she really drunk last night or was I the only one?.

  With what happened last night I concluded; not to give up on my dreams and try not to be someone else; love myself and believe in God. In the end what matters most is the impact I make in the lives of people that is what being a celebrity is.